


One Step From the Abyss

by jdjunkie



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Episode: s10e14 The Shroud, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-04
Updated: 2011-07-04
Packaged: 2017-10-21 00:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/219033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdjunkie/pseuds/jdjunkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is very, very personal. Adria made it so. And Oma? She did too, and The Others. In a very real way, Daniel, this IS about you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Step From the Abyss

“I leave and look at the mess you get yourself into.”

“I thought you said you didn’t need reminding about that whole … Ba’al thing.”

“I didn’t. And yet.”

“Déjà vu, huh?”

“Déjà vu.”

They lapsed into silence. Daniel shifted in the infirmary bed. Christ, they wanted you to get well in these places. The least they could do would be to give you a comfortable bed in which to do it.

Jack was obviously equally uncomfortable in the bedside chair.

“Remind me again why I’m here?” Daniel settled into a marginally more acceptable position.

“Oh, I don’t know, how about Merlin, downloading doohicky, Priorization. Need I go on?” Jack adopted his trademark vaguely irritated look.

“Part-Priorization.”

“Oh, don’t start with the semantics.”

“It’s not a question of semantics, it’s a question of accuracy. I was not fully a Prior.”

“You did get the Extreme Makeoever that went with it, though,” Jack pointed out, in what he thought was a most reasonable manner. “Gotta tell you, the white eyelashes freaked me out more than somewhat.”

Daniel shot him what he hoped was an evil glare and shifted in the bed again, leaning forward to twist round and punch the pillows into a more restful arrangement.

As he finally settled, Jack smoothed the bed cover with one hand, the tips of his fingers touching Daniel’s leg through the material. Daniel felt the contact and suddenly ached.

“I don’t know why I have to be here. I’m fine.”

“That’s for Dr Lam to decide.”

“No, actually, it’s for me to decide. And I’ve decided. I’m fine. I have work to do.”

“Daniel…”

“What?” Snippy. Very snippy.

“Daniel.”

Daniel recognised the tone. It was Jack’s “Look at me, listen to me, I’m saying this for a reason” tone.

Daniel sighed, checked out the ceiling, the floor and the doorway. Then he looked at Jack, who was regarding him levelly.

“I know you don’t want to be here, okay? I get that. We all get that. But if you can’t be here for you, be here for us. For me. Humor us. Me. Humor me. Your brain’s been addled. You’re exhausted. Look what happened before we were beamed back here.”

“I did not collapse on the bridge.”

“You didn’t?”

“No, I just experienced a little … leg malfunction.” To illustrate that his legs were now working perfectly well, thank you, he kicked them beneath the covers. It didn’t come off as petulant in any way.

“You scared the shit out of Carter and Vala. Teal’c and Mitchell, too.”

Daniel looked at him sideways. “You weren’t scared though. At all.” Daniel was enjoying the snark. While there was snark there wasn’t real talking.

“Me most of all.”

And damn him but it was said honestly and it could only lead to …

“I think we should talk about this.”

“You know what? I’m feeling a little tired now.” Daniel shuffled down in the bed and pulled the covers up his chin.

“Oh, so suddenly, ‘I’m fine and I’ve got work to do’ becomes ‘I’m tired and I want my blankey.’” Jack paused, sat back in his plastic chair and folded his arms. “Sorry, Daniel. Won’t wash.”

Silence descended.

Daniel risked another sideways glance at Jack, who had become Mr Implacable. Daniel huffed and turned on his side, away from a general who would give any passing Jaffa a run for his money in the Immovable Object stakes.

Daniel sighed loudly, just in case Jack hadn’t received the Go Away vibe clearly enough.

The silence stretched. Daniel was wide awake and Jack knew it. And Daniel knew that Jack knew.

Still, they could both be pig-headed. It would be a foolish man who’d take a bet on who would blink first.

Eventually, Daniel heard the sound of movement as Jack picked up his chair and moved it round to the other side of the bed. He plonked it down inches from the bedside, turned it around and straddled it.

Daniel pursed his lips. “Don’t you have general-type things to do in Washington?”

“Nope. I’m taking some personal time. Friend of mine’s had a rough trot lately and I’m thinking it would be good so spend some time with him.”

Daniel blinked.

Jack sighed. “Look, Daniel, can we please drop the act? You’re exhausted. I’m worried out of my skull. Can we not just take it from there?”

Daniel took a moment to really look at the other man. Jack looked tired, the lines round his mouth and eyes a little deeper than they had been before. Jack looked suddenly older.

Daniel closed his eyes and nodded slightly.

“You’re right I am tired.”

“Thank you!” Jack threw out his hands in an “hallelujah!” kind of gesture.

“I’m tired of everything …”

“Daniel …” There was a warning note in his voice that Daniel chose to ignore.

“No. No Jack, you wanted me to talk. I’m talking. I’m tired of fighting and of not knowing whether I’m making any kind of difference at all. Are the Ori dead? I don’t know. Will it make a difference if they are? I have no idea. I’m tired of second-guessing myself at every turn. Did I do the right thing in asking you to close the wormhole to the supergate? Have I just made everything a hundred times worse?”

Jack watched Daniel closely, saw how the words were being forced out of him almost against his will. Saw the fear that he would never have admitted to anyone else, and probably not even to himself.

His voice dropped to little more than a whisper. “And I am so tired of …”

“Okay, Dr Jackson, time for your hourly checks.” One of the nurses – neither man could recall her name – swept in, lifted the chart from the bottom of the bed and moved to take Daniel’s right wrist in her hand. She was pretty and blonde. She was also unwelcome and oblivious to it.

Daniel closed his eyes. Before they slid shut, Jack was shocked by the flash of despair he saw there.

Without taking his eyes from Daniel he said: “Come back later.”

She saw the need to argue the toss. “Sir, Dr Lam specifically …”

“Later. Give us the room. Now. And make sure we’re left alone until I tell you otherwise, sudden and unexpected deterioration in Dr Jackson’s condition notwithstanding. Understood?” His eyes never moved from the unnaturally still form of his friend.

“I’ll have to tell Dr Lam …”

“Fine.”

“She may want to …”

“Thank you. Captain.” He stressed her rank. It was a General thing.

She made a production number of replacing the medical file at the bottom of the bed, the metal on metal sound jarring Jack’s already jangling nerves. She padded softly away and they were alone.

“So. You were saying?” Jack tilted his head to one side and waited.

Beneath the covers, Jack could see Daniel drawing his legs up to his chest as he curled in on himself.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does.”

“Trust me, Jack, in the great scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter.” The despair Jack had glimpsed in Daniel’s eyes had transferred itself to his voice.

Jack leaned forward. “Before Florence Nightingale burst in, you said, and I quote, ‘And I am so tired of ...’ Of  what?”

“I don’t remember.”

“Daniel!”

“No, really. I’m not being … awkward. I really don’t remember. Guess the Merlin mind meld messed with me more than I thought.”

Jack’s look said he wasn’t convinced Daniel was telling the truth. At all.

Daniel closed his eyes and ran a hand over his face. He really was exhausted. It wasn’t just an excuse not to talk.

“There was a lot of alliteration in that sentence, Daniel.”

Daniel considered the facts. “Yes, there was. Unintentional.”

“Impressive, though.”

“Hmmm.”

Daniel continued to feel tired and Jack continued to look aggravated and worried.

Daniel decided to give him something.

“Look, I told you once that I was scared.”

“I remember that.”

“I was. I am. Jack, this threat is not going to go away. If the weapon did destroy the Ori, and it’s a very big if, there are still plenty of Priors and their followers out there and they are not going to stop recruiting souls to the cause.”

“I know that.”

“And we’re on our own in this.”

“Yes, we are.”

Daniel nodded gently and suddenly appeared very uncomfortable. Jack’s eyes narrowed. “You, however, are not.”

“Not what?”

“Alone. In this.”

“I know that. And this isn’t about me.”

Jack pursed his lips. “Oh but it is. This is very, very personal. Adria made it so. And Oma? She did too, and The Others. In a very real way, Daniel, this IS about you.”

Jack was horrified to see tears spring into Daniel’s eyes. “Well, thanks for setting that out so clearly. I understand it so much better now.” Daniel let out a gusting breath, turned on to his back and threw an arm over his eyes.

Well shit. Jack grimaced. He stood up from the chair and gently perched himself on the bed.

“I meant what I said, Daniel. You’re not alone. Mitchell and Teal’c will fight to their dying breath. Vala and Carter, too. You gotta know that.”

Daniel nodded, still not venturing out from beneath the protective arm.

“And you gotta know that, wherever you are, I’m there, too.” Jack laid a hand on Daniel’s leg. The ache in Daniel burned more fiercely.

“You were. With me. I had an entire conversation with you in my head when Adria took me up to her ship after I was first taken. I was sitting on the floor, alone for hours before she finally came to me. We talked.” Still the arm didn’t move.

Jack thought about that for a moment.

“Did we talk about anything interesting? Hockey? Mary Steenburgen’s new movie?”

To Jack’s enormous relief, he saw Daniel chest rise with a grudging chuckle.

There was still a deep, deep pit of serious stuff to be mined here, but Daniel was close to the edge of the precipice and, for now, humor would provide the necessary soft landing.

“Actually, you told me to stop feeling so damned sorry for myself and work on a way to get out of there, deal with the Ori threat and get home.” Daniel took his arm away from his face and turned gentle, blue eyes on Jack.  “To you.”

Jack smiled gently. “Glad to see you paid attention to me for once. Still think your plan was a bad one, though. The Marcel Marceau look so didn’t work for you.”

Daniel quirked a small smile. Then frowned. “Was it really the eyelashes that freaked you out the most?”

“Oh yeah. Creepy. Got a little jealous with the whole silver hair thing, though. Suited you waaay too well.”

Daniel smiled again and hesitantly reached out to snag the arm of Jack’s shirt. “You sure Washington can spare you for a few days?” Daniel enjoyed the feel of the rough material as he rubbed it between his fingers.

“Sure. Told them I was consoling a friend.”

They looked at each other, suddenly unwontedly serious and both needing the connection they could feel through the layers of bedding and clothing between them.

It was the one connection both knew would never be broken.

They heard the soft shuffle of Florence’s feet as she hovered nervously in the doorway.

Without taking his eyes off Daniel, Jack waved her in. Daniel nodded his head once and closed his eyes.

“Console away,” he whispered.


End file.
